


Internet Pirates

by Dollars_tore



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Celty unofficially adopted Mikado & Anri, Celty would have grey hairs if she actually had her head, Chatting & Messaging, Izaya & Mikado unofficially adopted Aoba, Kida short-circuits constantly, Mikado is a gremlin, Other, The OG trio have so many inside jokes, but he also bby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:47:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28076445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dollars_tore/pseuds/Dollars_tore
Summary: Izaya creates a chatroom for the sole purpose of creating chaos, Mikado thinks it’s a great idea; Celty just wants to know if it’s possible to disown people you’re not even related to.
Relationships: Kishitani Shinra/Celty Sturluson, Orihara Izaya/Ryuugamine Mikado
Kudos: 39





	Internet Pirates

**Author's Note:**

> I probably won’t write another chapter.

**[2 and a half people]**

**Puppetmaster:** I have an idea.

**Headless Horseman:** Those are never good words coming from you.

**Puppetmaster:** I’m wounded, what did I ever do to deserve this?

**Headless Horseman:** …

**Headless Horseman:** We have a list.

**Puppetmaster:** There’s a list?

**Puppetmaster:** Wait, “we”?!?

**White Hat:** Correction: there are multiple lists.

**Puppetmaster:** W O W

**Puppetmaster:** So this is what betrayal feels like.

**White Hat:** We were never friends :)

**Headless Horseman:** I keep forgetting you two skipped that part.

**Puppetmaster:** Can you go back to being that awkward shy kid? Pls.

**White Hat:** Suffer.

**Puppetmaster:** …

**Puppetmaster:** Valid.

**Puppetmaster:** Can I share my idea now?

**White Hat:** Proceed.

**Puppetmaster:** How badly do you want to screw with your friends?

**White Hat:** …

**White Hat:** I’m listening.

**Headless Horseman:** Mikado why?!?

**White Hat:** >:3

**Puppetmaster:** >:3

**Headless Horseman:** Why do I even bother?

**Puppetmaster:** Because you love us :)

**Headless Horseman:** Mikado? Yes, you? Not so much.

**Puppetmaster:** I came here to have a good time and I honestly feel so attacked right now.

**Headless Horseman:** Good.

**White Hat:** Good.

**Puppetmaster:** :’(

**White Hat:** <3

**Puppetmaster:** …

**Puppetmaster:** <3

**Headless Horseman:** Get a room you two.

**Puppetmaster:** Maybe we will :)

**White Hat:** mxcvncn

**Headless Horseman:** Can you not break your boyfriend for five minutes?

**Puppetmaster:** That’s kind of my job.

**Headless Horseman:** I’ve asked this before, but are you absolutely sure you want this one Mikado?

**White Hat:** Are _you_ absolutely sure?

**Headless Horseman:** Okay, point made.

**Puppetmaster:** I resent that.

**White Hat:** :)

**Headless Horseman:** :)

***-* *-* *-***

**[Izaya O] created [Mutual Acquaintances]**

**[Izaya O] added 5+ users to [Mutual Acquaintances]**

**[Izaya O] changed [Izaya O] to [Observer]**

**[Observer] changed [Mikado R] to [Air-freshener]**

**[Observer] changed [Celty S] to [Ghost Rider]**

**[Observer] changed [Shinra K] to [Simp]**

**[Observer] changed [Masaomi K] to [Playboy]**

**[Observer] changed [Anri S] to [Twitch Streamer]**

**[Observer] changed [Aoba K] to [Teenage Angst]**

**Observer:** It is done.

**Air-Freshener:** …

**Air-Freshener:** You’re never going to let that go are you?

**Observer:** You’re a sharp one.

**Ghost Rider:** I suppose it’s not the worst thing I’ve been called.

**Observer:** You don’t like it?

**Ghost Rider:** I’m trying not to inflate your ego.

**Observer:** :)

**Ghost Rider:** Failed step one.

**Simp:** I don’t think I like this name.

**Observer:** Too bad :)

**Playboy:** …

**Playboy:** 3 things

**Playboy:** why am I here?

**Playboy:** why “playboy” of all things?

**Playboy:** Mikado, why aren’t you questioning any of this?

**Observer:** 1) To suffer.

**Observer:** 2) Do you really want me to answer that?

**Observer:** 3) **_@Air-Freshner_**

**Air-Freshener:** I knew he was going to do this.

**Playboy:** _WHAT?!?_

**Observer:** Congratulations Kida, the award for the first freakout goes to you.

**Air-Freshener:** I think he’s still recovering.

**Observer:** A shame.

**Twitch Streamer:** I don’t understand…

**Observer:** :)

***-* *-* *-***

**Private messaging [Twitch Streamer] & [Observer]**

**Twitch Streamer:** How do you know about that?

**Observer:** I know all :)

***-* *-* *-***

**[Mutual Acquaintances]**

**Teenage Angst:** …

**Teenage Angst:** I hate that I can’t argue this name.

**Observer:** I know :)

**Teenage Angst:** Fuck you.

**Observer:** Sorry, you’re not my type.

**Teenage Angst:** sjkadfjda

**Observer:** This is going to be more fun than I thought.

**Playboy:** wait…

**Playboy:** what do you mean you knew he was going to do this? Didn’t I tell you to stay away from him?

***-* *-* *-***

**[2 and a half people]**

**White Hat:** Should we tell them?

**Puppetmaster:** As much as I’d _love_ to see their reactions, it’s your choice.

**White Hat:** Thanks ^.^

**Headless Horseman:** Why can’t you be like this all the time?

**Puppetmaster:** :)

**White Hat:** :)

***-* *-* *-***

**Air-Freshener:** I may have known Izaya before I moved.

**Playboy:** WHAT?!

**Air-Freshener:** We’ve also been dating for a while now.

**Playboy:** _WHAT?!?_

**Twitch Streamer:** What?

**Teenage Angst:** HA! Called it.

**Air-Freshener:** Wait, you bet on us?

**Observer:** This is getting interesting.

**Teenage Angst:** Well…

**Teenage Angst:** I did, I don’t know what they were doing.

**Playboy:** And you didn’t say anything?!?

**Teenage Angst:** We’re not friends???

**Playboy:** You hang out with us all the time!?

**Teenage Angst:** Correction:

**Teenage Angst:** I hang out with Mikado, you just happen to be there.

**Playboy:** w o w

**Playboy:** rude

**Teenage Angst:** I only speak the truth.

**Playboy:** Lies and slander.

**Teenage Angst:** :)

**Air-Freshener:** Aoba…

**Teenage Angst:** *sigh*

**Teenage Angst:** Yes dad.

**Teenage Angst:** Sorry Kida.

**Playboy:** _dad?!?_

**Observer:** Does that make me the mom?

**Teenage Angst:** I take it back.

**Teenage Angst:** _I TAKE IT BACK!_

**Observer:** Too late :)

**Observer:** Mikado we have a son now.

**Simp:** Wait!

**Simp:** I’m not ready to be an uncle.

**Teenage Angst:** Do I get a say in this?

**Observer:** No.

**Air-Freshener:** No.

**Teenage Angst:** Damn okay, guess I have two dads now.

**Observer:** :)

**Air-Freshener:** :)

**Ghost Rider:** Why do I even put up with you two?

**Simp:** Isn’t Mikado practically your son at this point?

**Air-Freshener:** I’m your _what?!_

**Simp:** Pretty sure she adopted Anri as well.

**Twitch Streamer:** I’m sorry, what?

**Ghost Rider:** _You weren’t supposed to tell them!_

**Simp:** Sorry but it’s adorable.

**Air-Freshener:** …

**Twitch Streamer:** …

**Air-Freshener:** Well, I guess I have a sister now.

**Twitch Streamer:** :)

**Air-Freshener:** :)

**Playboy:** What does that make me?

**Teenage Angst:** You’re the weird cousin that makes bad decisions.

**Playboy:** I don’t think I like this game.

**Teenage Angst:** Too bad.

**Observer:** Too bad.

**Teenage Angst:** Damn it.

**Observer:** :)

**Teenage Angst:** _MIKADO CONTROL YOUR SUGAR DADDY!_

**Air-Freshener:** glkjdahfdsaf

**Air-Freshener:** HE’S NOT MY SUGAR DADDY!

**Observer:** But I could be :)

**Air-Freshener:** No!

***-* *-* *-***

**Private messaging [Observer] & [Air-Freshener]**

**Observer:** Let me spoil you!

**Air-Freshener:** _NO!_

***-* *-* *-***

**Private messaging [Teenage Angst] & [Air-Freshener]**

**Teenage Angst:** Is the meeting still happening tonight?

**Air-Freshener:** Yeah, Izaya said he’s tagging along.

**Teenage Angst:** Please.

**Teenage Angst:** I beg of you.

**Teenage Angst:** Let me stab him, just _once,_ I won’t even make it a lethal one.

**Air-Freshener:** I just got some new pens Aoba.

**Teenage Angst:** Well would you look at that, I no longer have the desire to make Izaya bleed.

**Air-Freshener:** That’s what I thought.

**Teenage Angst:** Anyone ever told you you’re terrifying?

**Air-Freshener:** :)

***-* *-* *-***

**Private messaging [Ghost Rider] & [Observer]**

**Ghost Rider:** Are you okay?

**Ghost Rider:** I just saw your binoculars fall from a roof.

**Ghost Rider:** (I caught them in case you’re wondering.)

**Observer:** Oh I’m fine, I just felt a sudden burst of pride for some reason.

**Ghost Rider:** Why do I bother asking you anything?

**Observer:** :)

***-* *-* *-***

**Private messaging [Observer] & [Air-Freshener]**

**Observer:** I don’t know what you did but I’m proud of you.

**Air-Freshener:** What?

**Observer:** :)

**Air-Freshener:** I don’t trust that smile.

**Air-Freshener:** _I don’t trust that smile._

**Observer:** :)

***-* *-* *-***

**[Mutual Acquaintances]**

**Air-Freshener: _@Observer_** why is there a mountain of raccoon plushies in my apartment?

**Teenage Angst:** Sugar daddy.

**Air-Freshener:** Would you stop with that?!

**Teenage Angst:** No :)

**Observer:** Don’t you like them? :’(

**Air-Freshener:** I do but…why???

**Observer:** Felt like it.


End file.
